Staying Connected

You've gone on a Weekend. Now what?

There are Community Groups throughout the area where you can meet with other couples that have found the Weekend to be a crucial tool in keeping their marriage alive and vibrant. Join a Worldwide Marriage Encounter community share circle.  Click here for a list of encountered couples in your area.

You now have an opportunity to explore the important areas in your relationship with the love and understanding you found on your Weekend. Learn to continually grow closer and live more joyful, purposeful lives!


Ways to Continue the Journey:

1) Invite others to make a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend.  
Include your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers & acquaintances. 

2) Promote Worldwide Marriage Encounter at your church.  
Invite your parish priests, other religious, or couples with whom you share faith. Offer others the same opportunity you have experienced. Pray daily for their openness to attend a weekend experience. Every couple & religous deserves the gifts a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend will bring to their spousal relationship or church community.

3) Present witness talks at churches and community fairs throughout the dioceses.  
Give a short talk about your Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend before or at the conclusion of Mass. This can also be presented at parish organizations such as Women’s Club, Men’s Club, Small Faith Communities and/or other such parish gatherings.   

4) Distribute brochures at mass or other religious events.  Volunteer to insert  flyers,   or to place bulletin announcements in your parish bulletin.   
Check with your pastor for permission.  

5) Host an informal information night in your home or church facility.  Invite couples, priests, and religious to view a short DVD presentation titled Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend of Discovery.  

Your local community has various ideas for you to become more involved with the next Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend.  Contact a couple in your area to learn more. 

Come and join in the excitement of praying for a couple on their weekend.  Greet them at the close of the weekend with a song and lighted candle.    


Living the lifestyle

On our Weekend we learned a new lifestyle, maybe even a somewhat radical lifestyle, that is God's desire for our sacrament. It involves sharing our innermost self with our spouse through the communication technique we learned, called "dialogue". This 20 minutes we give of ourselves to our spouse each and every day, is the most precious gift we can give.

But no one ever said it was going to be easy. There are many stumbling blocks, and excuses that we use when we fall short of living up to our commitment. One of those excuses may be that "I can't think of a question". There are questions everywhere (if you really think about it), including the WWME calendar and even your original weekend notebook (did you ever think about dialoging again on some of the questions given on your weekend?).

 Another helpful tool would be making an offer to another dialoguing couple, to be a source for 'the question of the day" when either of you gets stuck thinking of a question.

If you are involved in a Community or Share Group, we've also included some guidelines for sharing. They're fairly straight forward and simple.


Guidelines for sharing

From time to time, we are asked for the guidelines we use in our monthly Community meetings during our sharing. Well, here they are for you to see and use. Feel free to copy them and give them to others. In fact we encourage you to write them down and pass them around.

• Everyone will have the opportunity to share; no one has to share.
• All that is shared in this room stays in this room, just like on the weekend. Confidentiality and acceptance are what makes sharing so special and powerful in Worldwide Marriage Encounter.
• Share for yourself only, not you and your spouse, or about your spouse or about what someone else has shared.
• Share only what has been shared with your spouse first. Avoid big surprises. Avoid the temptation to use your sharing time to try to teach others in the group, or help them in any way.
• Listening is as great a gift of self as sharing
• Giving advice is the opposite of accepting someone’s sharing of self.
• Don’t interrupt or comment on another’s sharing.
• Sharing is not a time to teach, to judge, or even to help anyone else. “Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way,” might be meant as a kindness, but this is rejection and can turn off someone else’s sharing.
• Husbands and wives do not necessarily share one after another unless they want to. Not sharing together can allow more careful listening.
• Your sharing is a gift to your spouse as well as to others.
• Let quiet pauses between sharing be a preparation time for the next speaker.
• Don’t be put off if someone else shares essentially what you wanted to say. A sharing has just as much meaning coming from more than one, and YOUR spouse may need to hear it from you.

And for those of us who need a little reminder once in a while, we've included the Worldwide Marriage Encounter guidelines for "fighting fair."


Fighting fair

(The term fight, as we use it, never refers to any physical or mental violence.)


The Guidelines

• Remember that criticism and sarcasm wound people and destroy our capacity to belong to each other. Avoid criticism.
• Avoid name-calling and character assassination.
• Never fight when one or both of you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
• It is a waste of time placing blame. Since you can't un-spill the milk, work at moving forward.
• Avoid using absolutes, such as, "you always" or "you never" or "every time." They are not true.
• Finish the fight. Even if there are tears, be sensitive, but do not walk away. Continue the fight for your relationship.
• Do not bring in third parties. A parent, a friend, a person at work has no part in your confrontation. The real problem is often a miscommunication.
• Stay physically close to each other. An affectionate touch helps you to know there is nothing that cannot be worked out in love.
• The issue under discussion is never as important as the two of you are. Being right is not as important as being in relationship.
• Fight for clarification, not to win. If I "win" a fight then I'm sleeping with a loser.

• Write and dialogue in "prime time" when you are alert and responsive.
• Concentrate on your spouse by eliminating distractions when you write and when you dialogue.
• Dialogue is for the sharing of feelings. Avoid the temptation to solve problems or reach a decision during dialogue.
• Don't worry about your grammar or spelling. Just share yourself!
• Share your now feelings. Avoid "garbage dumping" (bringing up old hurts).
• Share about yourself using "I" or "me" messages, and avoid "you" messages.
• What your spouse wrote, not how much they wrote, is what is important.
• Dialogue is the time for loving acceptance, not for critical judgments or blaming (i.e. "you made me..." or "you didn’t...").
• Listen actively while your spouse is sharing. Pay attention to their non-verbal signals.
• Sharing your feelings is a gift to your spouse. Don't expect your spouse to change because you shared your feelings.
• Spending the full dialogue time talking about and continuing to draw out and explore the feeling about which you have written. 

  
  Describing your feelings
  
  Feelings are hard to get out because we've been trained to think, rather than feel.
  
  It takes patience and gentle questioning on the part of the spouse to help the partner discover feelings. Don't be discouraged. It may take months of daily dialogue before we begin to recognize the difference between thinking and feeling.
  
  suggestions for describing feelings

  • Describe the feeling from experience - the children, a baseball game, etc.Recognize the difference in male and female viewpoints.
  • Realize that men usually write less, women write more.
  • "Why" does not describe a feeling. It explains the circumstance that causes the feeling. "I feel good because..." is not a description, it's an explanation. "I feel as good as the time you brought me flowers" is a description.
  • Sometimes you can identify a feeling by relating the sensation to a particular part of the body, i.e., gut feelings felt in the stomach (nausea, that butterfly feeling): an ache in the throat with longing; pounding heart with fright.  

   

    
  I THINK vs. I FEEL RULE
  
  If you can substitute "I am" for "I feel", you have expressed a feeling. If you can substitute "I think" for "I feel", you have expressed a thought or a judgment.
  
  

  Category	How to rate the feeling	Example
  Intensity	Rate the feeling from 1 to 10	"My feeling is a '10' "
  Taste	Sour, sweet, bitter, etc.	"I feel bitter, like a sour lemon"
  Touch	Scratchy, soft, prickly, etc.	"It has a softness like silk"
  Color	Red, blue, etc.	"My anger is red hot"
  Sound	High pitched, screech, wail of a siren, crack of thunder.	"It was like the singing birds on a spring morning"
  Physical reaction	Sick, chilled, giggling, etc.	"It was like an upset stomach"
  Similar past experience	Childbirth, riding a bike, etc.	"It was like the time our child took her first steps."
  Nature scene	Beautiful sunset, crashing waves, still forest.	"It has all the colors of a sunset at sea"
  An image	Hitting a home run.	"I feel gleeful, like a kid who hit his first home run."

  ---

  
  Feelings are the foundation of intimate communication!
  
  By exchanging feelings through dialogue we are giving our personhood to our spouse so that we can experience moments of unity when we both experience the same feeling to the same degree.
  
  The following is a list of some feeling words to help in writing your love letters. This list is by no means complete. However it should provide you with some feeling words if you get stuck. If you think of any that are not listed here, please let us know so that they might be included in the list.
  

  Happy

  delighted joyful festive contented complacent satisfied serene comfortable peaceful tranquil ecstatic rapturous elated transported enthusiastic inspired glad beatific pleased blissful cheerful genial cheery sunny high-spirited exultant light-hearted buoyant debonair bright free & easy airy exuberant saucy jaunty lively spirited animated jubilant vivacious brisk sparkling merry mirthful hilarious exhilarated jovial jolly playful gleeful frisky

  Sad

  crestfallen despondent disheartened discouraged low low spirited ill at ease sorrowful downcast dejected unhappy depressed disconsolate melancholy out of sorts heavy-hearted discontented glum moody moping sullen somber sulky joyless spiritless dismal dark clouded frowning mournful dreadful oppressed downhearted flat dull gloomy cheerless woeful woebegone dreary in the dumps

  Angry

  resentful annoyed inflamed provoked incensed infuriated offended irritated sullen wrought up worked up indignant irate enraged sulky bitter virulent acrimonious boiling furious in a stew up in arms in a huff turning wrathful

  Hurt

  injured offended grieved distressed in pain sad suffering afflicted worried aching crushed pathetic victimized heartbroken hapless in despair agonized tragic tortured piteous woeful rueful mournful

  Afraid

  fearful frightened in fear timid chicken nervous diffident fainthearted scared trembling tremulous shaky apprehensive fidgety restful aghast terrified panicked quaking cowardly hysterical yellow alarmed shocked horrified insecure anxious worried threatened menaced upset misgiving doubtful suspicious hesitant irresolute awed dismayed appalled petrified

  Interested

  concerned affected fascinated engrossed intrigued absorbed excited curious inquisitive inquiring nosy snoopy

  Fearless

  encouraged courageous secure reassured bold brave daring gallant heroic self-reliant spirited resolute stout hearted enterprising hardy determined audacious dauntless certain

  Doubtful

  unbelieving skeptical distrustful suspicious dubious uncertain questioning wavering hesitant perplexed indecisive

  Eager

  keen earnest intent ardent zealous anxious enthusiastic avid hot-headed desirous

  
  Inviting others to the Weekend
  
  How much do you value what you received on the Weekend?
  
  Isn't it worth giving to others?
  
  If we really want the 'dream' of an 'Encountered' world to come true, we need to INVITE... INVITE... INVITE!
  
  It's really only limited to our imaginations, on all the different ways to get a couple to experience the Weekend. But statistically, we'd had the most success with personal invitations from one couple (or sacrament) to another. When you begin telling others about the wonderful experience you had, they're likely to start asking questions. Simply direct them to the Tell Me More and Reasons for Going pages on this site.
  
  Sometimes it takes just a little more than just asking a couple to attend a Weekend. One good way we've found to 'close the deal', is to invite them to a candlelight dinner.
  
  This is a Community activity, where Encountered couples prepare, then serve, (usually a serving couple for each invited couple) a 'romantic' dinner. Between each meal course, there is a short reading that asks the couple to reflect back to the early days of their dating and marriage. At the end of the evening, a short video is shown about the Weekend, and the couples are presented with their 'bill' for the evening…a Weekend registration form.
  
  
  And last, but certainly not least, are Pulpit Talks, formerly known as Mass Talks. These are still a great way to get the message out to a large group at one time. This is where an Encountered couple speaks from the pulpit at Mass about how the Weekend changed their lives, and gives a few details about the Weekend.
  
  The talk is given either at homily time, or immediately after Mass, just before the closing prayer. The talk is 10 minutes or less, and we have an outline to follow that is almost 'fill in the blanks'.
  
  If you would like to give a Mass Talk, please contact us. They'd be glad to help in any way they can. Our Weekend Presenting Team couples are committed to making sure someone is available every weekend of the year to present a Mass Talk if the opportunity arises. If you would like to help them out, please contact us. Even if you don't want to give the talk, we can always use help passing out brochures. Be sure to ask us about notices for church bulletins. These notices can be used for flyers, brochures, and posters as well. We are Encountered because someone invited us. Shouldn't we pass it on to others?
  
  
  Ways to Continue the Journey
  Our community is here to support your new lifestyle! How do we share our couple love within our local community, click here.
  
  

For information on the upcoming 2010 Worldwide Marriage Encounter convention click here.